The first in an occasional series of posts where I detail how a song was, or is being, written:
I was thinking of R.E.M.’s “Everybody Hurts”. I’d always admired its stark simplicity, both musically and lyrically, because I tend to over-think lyrically and use chord patterns which are a little out of the ordinary rather than simple diatonic chords. A song like this is useful to have as a touchstone, an antidote for complexity and as a reminder that “less” truly is “more”.
I came up with the first line – from who knows where?
If you give your love and then take it away
I then realised that “steal” would be stronger than “take” and the irony of “steal your heart away” having precisely the opposite meaning to this phrase rather pleased me.
The rhythm of the line falls neatly into a shuffle waltz (think of “What the worlds needs now” by Burt Bacharach or “Take it to the Limit” by the Eagles”) and the tune came along with the words – it always does with me.
I toyed with several second lines: “Just like it never was destined to be” and “Because you feel you’d be better off free” were in the frame at different times. I “heard” the line “Just like it’s never been given at all” but shied away from it as “all” doesn’t have many usable rhymes.
At about the same time I came up with the third line which I knew was right straight away: “Why then you might as well take a trip to hell”. There’s something about half-line rhymes that appeals to me. They’re like the third and fourth lines of limericks; they have an energy that pushes the song/poem along.
The continuation “And see for yourself” with its assonance of “see” and “self” followed seamlessly.
That just left the second and last lines to complete. This took a lot of work and several false starts. I finally gave into my instinct and went with “Just like it’s never been given at all” and arrived at:
If you give your love and then steal it away
Just like it’s never been given at all
Why then you might as well take a trip to hell and see for yourself
Just how the consequences of your actions would fall.
“Consequences” may be a little wordy. “Effects” might be better but “consequences” gives a better tune.
Okay that’s the chorus done. I think it’s one of those songs that needs to start with the chorus. Probably just piano and voice, like “Let It Be”.
Now for the verses. I tried:
They say that nothing lasts for ever
Not even stars in the sky
Or mighty rivers that roll to the sea.
which was promising but seemed to be straying too far in the direction of country and western. That’s ok but it wasn’t what I wanted for this song.
It was also too wordy. I keep returning to R.E.M. as a reminder. A well-designed web page needs to have plenty of white space to be effective and it’s the same with lyrics.
So I tried:
Oh well I know [pause] That it’s so [pause]
That ev’rything has its time.
That feels better – half line rhymes again and the pauses after each rhyme bring that out.
But then I was side-tracked by wordiness again:
A pre-destined time to begin and to end.
Arghhh! Keep it simple Brian!
Try: A time for beginning; a time for its end.
That’s better. Echoes of the Byrds’ “Turn, Turn Turn”.
The second part of the verse came quickly (in the early hours fuelled by insomnia, as I recall):
And I suppose [pause] that there are those [pause]
Who’ve committed worse crimes
Than the ones you stand accused of
By all your ex-friends.
Yes! The assonance of “committed”, “crimes” and “acCused” works well. And “time/crimes” and “end/friends” has a nice symmetry of near-rhymes. Maybe the first line would be better, and simpler, as:
And there are those, I suppose.
And the third line as
Than the ones you’re accused of.
The closing lines of the verse came as a rhyming couplet about ten minutes after this – while I was shaving, if I remember correctly. That’s always a golden period for creativity for me.
But how do you reconcile those things you say
While you smile in your satisfied way.
The internal rhyming of “reconcile”, “while” and “smile” works well and “reconcile” is a great word to sing with anger, as is “satisfied”, with accents on the first syllable of three for each word.
So that gives a structure to the verse which can be mirrored when the second verse comes along:
Oh well I know that it’s so that ev’rything has its time.
A time for beginning; a time for its end
And there are those, I suppose, who’ve committed worse crimes
Than the ones you’re accused of by all your ex-friends.
But how do you reconcile those things you say
While you smile in your satisfied way.
Now to work on that second verse. I’ll give the first verse time to establish itself in my mind first – I might practise singing it a few times so it establishes itself as “the” verse.